Sometimes when you wake up, you feel this is not an usual busy morning! Sometimes it happens to you when you go to bed in the night. When I took the first sip in the tea mug this morning, I knew it is going to be a different morning today ! And it was !

I was listening to a radio, I was listening to the music.. I didnt choose the track, so I could never guess what music will be played next. I was enjoying the uncertainity. Next to me was a cloudy sky! So down to earth, I feel like I can grab some gray stuff from my window ! Every single sip of the tea slowed down the time ! I completely freed myself from all sorts of "busy-ness" ... all sorts of duties... I heard some birds ! And I felt the different morning, when thoughts are only companions of urs.

I thought about my father. I dont know why, I saw him reading newspaper. This still picture of him reading a newspaper with deepest concentration has something so peaceful that it almost meditated me. I saw my mother, watching tv, lying down on the green sofa...spreading her hair over the pillow... I could completely see her round glasses, her eye brow.. her nose.. her light blue dress...I stared at the beautiful lady with impossible love ! Then I went to my sister's room. She was sitting on the floor, in front of the huge mirror...with careless dresses..her fluffy curly hair. I saw her trying to mix some sort of yellow beautifying powder and puting on her face. I saw her turning into a funny stupid yellow ghost! I was standing at her door! She started talking looking at the mirror. I could hear her.. not words, just voice! I smiled ! I walked back, went to the main door, opened it and went down the stairs... no one noticed !


I went downstairs, the guard at our apartment gate greeted me and suddenly I am amidst of a crowd of busy ppl. A busy street hawker, A lazy rickshaw driver looking at me with empty eyes, A school boy with torn out shoes walking with a huge school bag, a small street kiosk selling cigerretes, cars blowing horns and making their ways... I saw them all... I smelt them all.. Then I jumped on a rickshaw.. with a smile i said to the young driver, "Shamnei" ( Just a little forward).

I told him to take the left road. He started paddling fast.. I could feel the breeze, I could see myself in the most dense city in the whole world. I could see people sweating, I could see some laughing couples, I could see a beggar begging...I saw traffic signals.. red...yellow..green...yellow...red.. I was roaming around the Dhaka city! My beloved ugly city!

I almost counted every single day I was not at home. Two hundred and ninety two days! Two hundred and nintety two !!

I finished drinking the tea and started reading a Bangla novel "Brishti Bilash" - Humayun Ahmed. Completely meaningless story, yet I loved it so much. Every single page of the pdf told me about the people suffering there, the suffererings I saw only there, not here... the city, the streets appeared just infront of my eyes ! I swallowd every single word and interestingly I cried thrice... for nothing... or may be for everything !

I sat quiet for a long time having finished the novel. I saw the sky turning into gray and more gray. It started snowing in the spring !! I didnt mind at all. I rather felt a blessing!

I smiled to myself, to my loneliness... I kinda caressed my adorable lonliness and let it hide deep into me again. I stood up from the sofa, and let myself become the Gagan that people know. I stepped out of the my door and started the day. Two hundred and ninety two-th day !!